As leaders, we often have team members come to us because a relational or strategic logger jam is affecting the workgroup. More often than not, they are looking to you to fix it for them. So, being the good leader that you are, you jump in and start problem-solving. After all, you have the insight, experience, and position to push the team to resolution, right?

Not so fast! In your good-intentioned effort to take the lead and generate solutions, you might just be perpetuating the problem. The real issue is not so much the particular scenario, but the underlying dynamics that, in the words of pop-psychology, create co-dependence. You come in as the hero (or the enforcer), and the team relinquishes responsibility for handling its own interpersonal and operational conundrums.

A healthy social dynamic instead places the burden of solving these roadblocks on the whole team—not just the leader. The best leaders resist the temptation to be a fixer; instead, they help the team process the issue by getting to the real motivations of individuals. The team is strengthened as the leader acts as facilitator, using emotional and social intelligence to read and work through the emotional positions that are causing the conundrum.

In Boundaries for Leaders , Dr. Henry Cloud writes: “the reason a leader’s boundaries work is that they actually make it possible for people’s brains to function as they were designed.”

Encourage self-solving

Self-solving dynamics put the onus for solving problems where it belongs: with those who have the strongest vested (and emotional) interest in a solution. The manager-as-hero thwarts thinking and leads to dependence that depletes productivity and satisfaction for both the manager and direct reports.

Human resources professionals are especially vulnerable to jumping into solutions without promoting self-solving interactions. When I was an employee relations specialist, I learned the value of getting the ones in disagreement together in the same room to figure out a solution. There were long stretches of silence, but when it became clear that a solution had to be reached, they worked toward solutions as I facilitated and clarified. 

Here are three steps leaders can take to put the burden on the group to solve its own problems:

1. Stop talking! Resist the urge to provide solutions. Slow down and get perspective. Expediency does not typically lead to lasting solutions. If you struggle to do this, you may want to evaluate your own motives. Why do you feel you need to fix things for the group?

2. Ask. Your first task should be to get group members to open up. Ask probing questions to uncover the meaning behind the meaning of the roadblock. Go below the surface to understand assumptions, biases and motivations. Avoid blame, foster respect, and look for the positive. Help build appreciation.

3. Relinquish. Let go of your own solutions and allow the group to find their own way out. Keep asking questions to clarify the direction, and facilitate to keep dialogue focused, but remain silent about the direction you recommend. Why? Because you will perpetuate co-dependency and the group will continue to look to you and not themselves, which is inefficient and non-empowering.

When you promote self-solving dynamics within your team, eventually you will see a group that is self-regulating as challenges and conflicts arise. They may come to you for help in facilitating the discussion or providing specific insight, but know that you look to them to develop and implement the solution. You’ll find that you are spending less time refereeing squabbles and making low-level decisions, and more time on performing value-adding leadership.

Final word

One last note on turning over the responsibility and accountability to the group: It will take time. With our culture’s obsession with urgency and expediency, this process may seem time-consuming and inefficient. But as the adage goes, “if you don’t have the time to do it right, when will you have time to do it again?”

By creating a dependence on the leader, the group becomes a drain as it relies on the leader to step in any time a roadblock arises. But if the leader trains the group to process its own issues, it will eventually become independent and high-performing.