How to Help Team Members Resolve Conflict With Each Other

Workplace conflict among team members can be one of the most challenging, demanding, and draining issues a leader faces. If left unaddressed, it can lead to missed deadlines, decreased productivity, burnout, and turnover. It can also lead to poor communication and collaboration.

The key to managing team member conflict in the moment is in the understanding of the motives and emotions that people are experiencing during the conflict. But the key to getting past that and truly resolving conflict is in understanding what triggered the conflict in the first place. Conflict triggers reveal what matters to us—and we are most often triggered when something goes against our values. This is why we say that conflict can reveal values. We only go into conflict about things that are important to us.

Not too long ago, I was asked to help coach two team members. A recent exchange between the two left the relationship strained, and leaders were concerned. They asked if I would assist.

I of course immediately began reviewing all the dialogue skills that might help them talk things through. Then, I remembered I had access to the Strength Deployment Inventory (SDI), a workplace personality assessment. When used as a team, the SDI provides a view of others’ motives, how they experience conflict, their strengths, and how their strengths, if overdone, may trigger feelings of conflict for others.

When I pulled up the profiles of the two team members, I was certain I would find two very different individuals. Instead, I found more similarities than differences. Their conflict was due to more than just a lack of skill. It was also the result of a lack of awareness. Each was making judgments on the surface—they were reacting to behavior. But a quick glance below the surface, which the SDI provides, gave insights into WHY each was behaving the way they were. Again, conflict reveals values. This allowed me to have a far more productive conversation with each of them, helping them appreciate where each other was coming from. Awareness coupled with dialogue skills expedited our work, contributing to improved results and a strengthened relationship.

If you don’t have access to the SDI, you can learn more about it here. I’d also like to offer a few suggestions that may help regardless.

Be Clear on the Destination and Responsibilities

As a leader, make sure everyone is clear on the goal. Clearly define expectations for the team and each team member. If roles become blurred, how will you navigate those moments? Who is responsible for what? When will each part of the project need to be completed? Clarifying roles and expectations can prevent unnecessary conflict.

Create a Mental Map

If you don’t have access to the SDI, you can create a map in your mind by asking yourself a few questions. This will not only open yourself to empathy and understanding but will also minimize the emotions that often come from the stories we tell ourselves. Ask:

• What motives could be contributing to this behavior?

• Why would a reasonable, rational, decent person behave that way?

• How could this behavior help them feel good about themselves?

Ask for Directions

Visit with each member to ask questions that will help you identify the motives behind their behavior. This can provide valuable insight that you can use to help your team navigate the conflict. Ask:

• Why is it important to you?

• What do you care most about (on this project, in this relationship, for this team)?

• What most worries you (on this project, in this relationship, for this team)?

One measurement of a leader’s impact and effectiveness is their ability to help their team navigate workplace terrain and manage conflict. If done well, it leads to a smooth ride of collaboration and communication, ultimately arriving safely to your destination of desired outcomes and stronger relationships.