The better our relationships, the more effectively and efficiently leaders can achieve our desired outcomes.

The paradox is that the quality of our relationships is best established without a motive—not because a person can help me, but because I am genuinely interested her, interested in what she does, how I can help her.

One of my very favorite books, The 100/0 Principle by Al Ritter, proposes that a relationship shouldn’t be 50/50; we should offer our whole self to it. There should be no judgment or qualification. This means, you want to be a colleague, teammate, or friend regardless of what kind of car the other person drives or whether they can help you in your business.

Why is that important? When two people connect because of mutual respect and admiration, they form a genuine bond that opens the door to trust. They can share ideas and simply enjoy each other. Rather than try to one-up the other, they can ask questions to understand and learn. By exchanging stories, they discover how they might help one another.

That is exactly what good business relationships are about: Conversations are way more important than emails, newsletters, videos, or conference calls.

Broaden your circle

Leaders need to reach out to the people doing the work of the company. Too often, though, top executives spend the vast majority of their time only with other executives. Leaders must realize that the work of a company is done at all levels—out in the field, working with clients and customers, and behind the scenes. Every member of a team is important and makes a difference.

When leaders seek advice, feedback, and help to the broader circle of workers, they demonstrate humility and quiet confidence. These are very attractive qualities in a leader. More important, they build trust and inspire mutual success.

This is an area where men could learn from women. Women tend to connect with people regardless of whether they are in their immediate circle, and that is good for organizational culture and morale.

Case in point

This week I had the privilege of participating in a leadership development workshop with regional leaders of Billy Casper Golf, the acknowledged leader in the field of golf course management. This is a company with a unique organizational spirit—highly capable people working very hard, who genuinely like and root for one another. They are teammates around the country, sharing ideas and offering feedback to one another. Billy Casper Golf exemplifies the power of a true team!

In the leadership workshop, we discussed relationships at all levels: on the golf course, in the pro shop, in the restaurant, and throughout the property. The focus was “the better the relationships, the better the quality of work done and the better the golfer experience.”

One session I attended included about 60 golf course superintendents, agronomists who have the vital, demanding responsibility of caring for the course conditions. They went around the room one by one and discussed how they engage each and every team member.

All of them said they made a point to have one-on-one conversations, asking for ideas and advice, seeking feedback, listening intentionally to understand and learn, and expressing their appreciation. They discussed the goal of having everyone take pride in their work, and used the example of someone on the grounds crew raking a sand trap perfectly so the golfers would fully enjoy playing their course.

As a student of leadership, I can tell you that I was very impressed that these superintendents are a group of highly effective leaders. No question, their successes are due to their strong internal relationships.

Moving forward

Tom Peters, esteemed professor of management at Stanford and author of In Search of Excellence, one of the early great business books, said if we take good care of our people, they will take good care of our clients. So true!

Too busy for conversations, even short conversations? Give away some of your responsibilities. One of the superintendents at the meeting said, “There is nothing more important than our people, I don't want to hear that we don't have time for conversations with them!”

As a leader, internal relationships are our duty!