I am thrilled to be attending my first ever ASTD conference next week. I have been a long time user of ASTD products and I am delighted that I am now an ASTD author, guest blogger, and a conference presenter. Check out my new book Learning for Leadership; A Facilitative Approach to Teaching Leadership.

I have taught leadership for more than 10 years, and I am always learning something new about myself and human nature. One of my specialty areas is group dynamics, which I have been studying for some 30 years. And one of the biggest mistakes during my career taught me a valuable lesson about group dynamics.

In Learning for Leadership, I write about an experience that I had with a graduate organizational leadership class that still haunts me today. I came into the group after they had taken five classes together and had developed set norms. These norms included loud side conversations, coming in to class late, and texting throughout the class.

The students who were distracted by this never said anything nor indicated anything was wrong. After the first night of class, I approached one of the side conversationalists and suggested that he change seats so he would not engage in these side conversations, and that if this continued, his grade would suffer.

There was a slight reduction in the side distractions, but they didn’t disappear altogether. On the last night of class, during the final presentations, I had it. The distraction took away from the final presentation, and I asked why the students would tolerate this type of behavior in class—and if they tolerated it at work.

To my sheer surprise and dismay, I was verbally attacked by the students. They told me it was “my job” to stop the students (adult students with full-time mid to upper management jobs) from distracting the class. I was berated, and the class quickly disintegrated.

What I thought could be a teachable moment became my worst nightmare. I left the class so shaken, I had to call a colleague before I could go home.

What I learned from this is to value group norms and cohesion. In this case, I was the interloper. The group was used to the side conversations and tolerated them, even though they would not have so readily accepted these distractions at work. I was not looked at as providing a teachable moment or providing positive feedback, but rather confronted an issue that the group did not want to work through and wanted to ignore even though this hindered their education. Part of this resistance may have also been because it was the last night of class and there really wasn’t time to process what was going on. I continue to reflect on this incident and try to improve my skills in every class.

When teaching leadership, as much as we want to role model good leadership behavior, the facilitator must respect the group dynamic at hand and sometimes tread lightly and gauge if upsetting the status quo is worth it. Facilitators must meet the groups where they are.

You can read more about working with resistance and dysfunction in my new book; Learning for Leadership: A Facilitative Approach to Teaching Leadership.

Also, please join me at ASTD 2014 on Monday, May 5 from 4:30 p.m. to 5:30 p.m. at the Education Session M319 “Learners into Leaders: Delivering Training to Leaders.” Immediately following the session, I will be signing books in the bookstore.