Mentoring gets a good deal of attention in the talent development world because it can be a great mechanism for learning and engagement. Many organizations invest in formalized, structured mentoring programs—providing training to the mentors and carefully matching up mentors and mentees. The following are a few reflections on what makes a good mentor based on my own experience being mentored when I was a new member of the workforce. Though anecdotal, I find that these key points align well with the research and serve as a reminder for me as I assess my mentoring of others.

Demonstrate trust and confidence

My first job out of college was in public relations for a small nonprofit. On the first day there, my boss, Peg, welcomed me, sat me down at my new computer, and told me to write a press release ready to be sent out by lunch. She promptly went off to attend to her own work, checking in with me between meetings to see if I needed anything. When Peg returned at noon, I had finished the press release had a strengthened sense of confidence and accomplishment. I had actually produced something, on Day One! This was going to be fun.

Ultimately, the press release was published in several local papers. The pride and excitement I felt was because I’d done it myself. Peg did not sit down and tell me what to do or how to do it. She stated the result she needed, gave me a deadline, and trusted me to deliver. There was no script or template to follow. She did not hover or micromanage. I was able to rely on my own skills and creativity and know that I could do it. I learned from the process and it set the tone for our working relationship.

Encourage risk-taking

Later that same day, Peg dropped a hefty media directory on my desk—it was the 1980s, before the Internet—and said, “Now you need to begin building connections with all the news directors and editors in the region. Start by calling each of them to pitch this story, then follow up with the press release.”

The first thought that went through my head was, “They’re not going to talk to ME!” But Peg showed so much confidence in me that I thought, “If she trusts me to do this, then I must be able to do it.” I spent the rest of that day talking to people, leaving messages, and scheduling coffee and lunch. (Did I mention that this was in the ’80s?) I even sent a few faxes.

By the time I left that job a few years later, I had established relationships with media personnel all over the city and nearby suburbs and got some great visibility for our little nonprofit. Again, this was because my boss and mentor showed trust and confidence in me. Even when I didn’t quite believe I could do it, the rock solid faith and encouragement from Peg supported me to step boldly forward and take some risks that helped me to grow and learn.

Recognize that everything is a learning opportunity

In that first job, every new effort, half-hearted attempt, great success, and spectacular failure was accompanied by an in-depth “postmortem” that was purely focused on my learning. Rather than praise or blame, we talked about what happened, why, and what I learned from the experience. I did not know it then, but Peg was coaching me and inviting me to reflect and commit to actions and next steps. To this day I still use one of her favorite questions, “What will you do differently next time?”

Are you seeing a pattern yet? Great mentoring is less about technical or content expertise and more about facilitating a learning relationship. It’s often something that emerges organically, not through being matched and assigned to work with a designated expert.

Pay attention to process and relationship, along with task and content

These postmortems between me and Peg inculcated a career-long habit of deliberate reflection, analysis, and decision-making for growth and improvement. Peg did not just tell me what to do or how to do it. She did not only focus on the assignment or project. She helped me pay attention to process and relationship. It’s the nontechnical aspects of the work that can be the richest source of learning and growth. That’s where the art and magic of mentoring and leadership comes alive. Templates, job aids, training, and formal structures can support mentoring, but great mentoring is generated from strong, trusting, encouraging, learning-focused relationships.

I am now the age Peg was when I started working for her and have been employing one last mentoring lesson from her: Pay it forward. Long before the movie and popular phrase was coined, Peg always said, “It’s like parenting. You return the favor by bringing along the next generation.” Distilling my experience of being mentored down to these key points helps me to assess how well I am doing as a mentor. I hope you find it useful as your own type of checklist.

Happy mentoring! 

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