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Emily Gregory is vice president of design and delivery at VitalSmarts. She is the lead designer for Crucial Conversations, Crucial Accountability, and The Power of Habit and Getting Things Done. Gregory writes, speaks, and consults with Fortune 500 organizations. Her passion is helping people be great at being people.

Emily Gregory

Usually, we find that beneath the surface of persistent problems lies a host of unresolved issues. If we’re not talking about the right issue or the root of the issue, the problem will remain unresolved and may even get worse.

How to Address Repeated Bad Behavior

I once had a nurse manager come to me and ask, “How do I tell a master’s-prepared registered nurse that sleeping at their workstation is unprofessional? In many of my previous management jobs, finding an employee sleeping at their workstation was a fireable offense. In this environment, the employee appears to see no difference between sleeping in a designated break room and sleeping at their workstation.”While it may not always be an employee sleeping on the job, managers in all sectors need to address a variety of unacceptable behaviors. But how can you do so without causing drama?When I ask people what feeling comes to mind when I use the phrases “talk about a problem” or “address an issue,” the most common response is “Ugh!” – which isn’t really an emotion, but you probably get the idea. So, first tip: recognize this as a simple gap between what you were expecting and what you are observing. Your job as their manager is to describe the gap and partner with the person to close it. Here are three suggestions for how to do that:Master Your StoryYou will be far more effective at holding this conversation if you can suspend judgement. For example, even if you believe everyone should know that sleeping at the workstation is unprofessional, hold open the possibility that maybe this person was trained or taught differently. Or maybe, just maybe, they slept at their workstation all through school and no one ever got up the courage to give them feedback about it. After all, it is easy to mistake silence for approval.Catch It EarlyThe time to talk about the bad behavior is the first or second time it happens. Imagine how easy it would be, the first time a new employee falls asleep at their workstation, to gently shake them awake and kindly say, “We want all our nurses to sleep in the breakroom, not their station. Let me show you where it is.” When you catch it early, you are kindly onboarding a new employee and making sure they know what they need to be successful.When you let the poor behavior go on for a while without addressing it, two things happen. First, your own irritation likely builds, fueling your negative story. Second, you make the issue bigger. Now it is not just once or twice that this has happened but months’ worth of bad behavior. When you make the issue bigger through delay, you are more likely to create embarrassment and subsequent defensiveness in the other person.Have and Share a Good IntentIf you use the first two tips, it will be much easier to use the third one. Before any gap conversation, stop and ask yourself: what do I really want for this person? For them, not from them. Asking and answering this question will require you to flip your perspective 180 degrees. After all, we step up to gap conversations because the gap is causing a pain or problem for us. We are acutely aware of how their behavior is affecting us. The question you must ask is: How is it affecting them?What do you want for them and how will sharing this help? It can be as simple as, “I want you to be successful here and that is why I want to talk to you about this.”When you care about someone, and they know you care about them, gap conversations become about improvement, not reproof.

3 Tips for Addressing Unacceptable Behavior in the Workplace

At Crucial Learning, we offer a course around Crucial Conversations—how to communicate when opinions vary, the stakes are high, and emotions run strong. But how do you know when to disengage and walk away from a personal or professional relatio

When Is It Okay to Leave a Relationship?

How do you talk with an employee doing the bare minimum and expecting great rewards? First, try reframing your question: How can you help an unready or underserving employee learn and grow into the promotion or appraisal they seek?

Responding to Underachieving Employees Who Want a Promotion

Managers of both people and projects are often called upon to make tough choices. Use these tips from Crucial Learning’s Crucial Conversations for Accountability course to start holding people accountable.

Should You Hold People Publicly Accountable?

Here are five tips to help managers successfully provide L&D that both improves employees’ professional and personal lives and helps their organization stay productive and profitable.

Employees Crave Personal L&D—But Employers Aren’t Responding

How to Build Better Habits

We have tough conversations ahead of us. If we are to make progress, we must create inclusive, safe, and thoughtful conversations that challenge us to expand our thinking.

3 Tips to Help You Talk Through Today’s Controversial Issues

New research from Crucial Learning (formerly VitalSmarts), a leader in corporate learning and development, sheds light on trust today and how individuals, groups, and organizations can maintain or regain confidence in their words and actions.

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